Sunday, 5 October 2014

The thing about weddings.

Image found here, via Pinterest, where else?

We went to a wedding last weekend. Spirits were high, everyone wore their prettiest dresses and shiniest shoes, the bride and groom were a happy and handsome couple, and Alex and I even got to have a baby free night of dancing and prosecco drinking as we had a babysitter. It was the best day.

Except. I lost count of the times someone asked me "so when are you getting married?" a close runner-up was "so when are you having another baby?" as if either of those things are a fait accompli. Because of course they aren't.

We share a mortgage. And a CHILD. A whole human being is reliant on the two of us looking after him to make sure he is able to stay alive and grow and be happy. Rest assured that's not something we chose to do lightly. We can't live without each other and have no intention of doing so for the rest of our lives. But somehow, I feel like people don't think we're "proper" if we're not married.

A response I got from one party-goer when I said we had no plans to was "How modern!" as if we were doing something really cutting edge. In truth, getting married just doesn't come very far up the list of priorities for either of us right now; we're not religious, we're busy, we're happy, and things don't really need to change in any way.

And it's not that I particularly mind being asked, but it's just... isn't it a bit rude to assume? "Do you think you'll ever get married?" is a lot different to "so when are you getting married?". People seem surprised when we say that we aren't even thinking about having another baby any time soon. Would everyone be so open about personal questions in other situations? Would it be OK to ask a single person at a wedding "aren't you ever getting married" or "so, do you not want to have kids?" Isn't this kind of stuff ultimately just up to us to decide? As Alex said the day after, it's like people assume that if you choose not to have a second child, it's because you're not that keen on the first one. How about we are basically taking each day as it comes because we're still figuring out this parenting stuff and we have enough to keep us busy right now?

What I've learnt: not to assume everyone wants to follow the same path. There's lots of different ways  to get through life, and agreeing to an (arguably) antiquated, Christian tradition where a woman has to promise to 'obey' her man (ok, ok, I know not all vows are like this these days, but the ones that are - I can't bear it!) for the sake of it, is not the only one.

Tell you what though, there is one true incentive to get hitched - the excuse to throw a massive party with all your favourite people in the world all in the same room just for you. That's a once in a lifetime experience, and every time I go to a wedding I feel so high on all the love that's flying around, it really is ace. So maybe we'll pretend we're getting married just so we can get all our mates over for a big party? Who knows. For now, it 'aint broke so nothing needs changing. Thanks for asking.


  1. I love this post! A lot of people don't seem to understand that it's a bit rude to constantly ask a couple when they're getting married. What you've said in the last paragraph is pretty much what my boyfriend and I would like to do :)

    Suzanna xx

  2. Ah thank-you - I would love the bash without the wedding bit, they are the happiest places to be :)