Sunday 22 February 2015

"So when are you going to have another one?"

Arlo: keeping us busy since 2013.
If I'm hearing one thing a lot these days it's "so when are you going to have another one?" Waaaah! Do we HAVE to have another one? I'm not sure why everyone feels like we should be planning for baby number two but for me (for both of us actually) it's way too early. WAY. Like years way. I have the utmost respect for all parents because it's hard. And life is a bit of a tightrope as it is, and we're balancing and moving along it OK, but throw a big pregnant belly or a newborn into the mix and I think it could all come tumbling down (or at least my marbles might anyway).

For example, Arlo's learning all about the art of the tantrum at the moment. And he's getting pretty good at them. Like yesterday when he didn't want to leave the park and staged a 'sit in' in a big muddy puddle and it took the both of us to carry him home. Or when he didn't want to put down the three Peppa Pig bike bells he picked up in Halfords, despite us reminding us that a) he doesn't have a bike to put them on, and b) even if he did, just the one bell would be sufficient, and he did some good old fashioned kicking and screaming in the middle of the shop (this was also yesterday. Yesterday was tantrum day). So let's just say he's keeping us busy.

But then he keeps us busy in other ways too. Like when we sit in Arlo's reading corner and he gets down every book on the shelf, one by one, for me to read him, and we take our time looking at every page, me reading the words and asking Arlo to point out different things on each picture. Or when I'm hurriedly trying to do something like make dinner or check my work emails or load the dishwasher, and he comes and tugs at my trouser leg and holds his chubby hand up to take mine to lead me to his play kitchen and help him make a cup of tea with his play kettle, reminding me that everything else can just wait and it's good to stop and focus on the important stuff - like making a pretend cup of tea to feed to a stuffed lion. Or when we while away a good hour on youtube looking at videos of happy elephants which make him smile the biggest, brightest smiles, and I feel so grateful to be able to have days where elephant videos can happen and be the most important thing on our to do list and think how sad I'd feel to have to say to him "sorry I don't have time to watch that video of elephants dancing along to Happy by Pharrell" (this is an actual, real thing: you can watch it here if that kind of thing floats your boat. It definitely floats Arlo's because we've watched it around 27 times today already).

And when people say "I just don't know how I could ever love anyone as much as I love little Tallulah/ Oscar/ Penelope" (delete as appropriate) I know it doesn't work like that, and love's not a finite entity that you need to re-allocate when someone new comes into the picture because you just make more of it to go round and everyone fits in just fine. It's not that I'm worried about finding more love for another little person, or Arlo getting less love as a result, but I want to make sure I can still show that love. Give him that time. Be able to drop everything to help him out with his busy duplo-building schedule. Help him solve the mystery of where he hid the blue crayon. Be available for sitting on when he wants to watch cartoons. And I know that when and if we add another little squidge into the mix it will all work out and we'll fit everything in and our days will get a little more mental and even more happy, but we're not in a rush. We're enjoying the way it's going at the moment. These are the ways that I want to spend my days - elephants and all.



7 comments:

  1. I now really want to check out that Elephant video. Yes, my little boy is 11 months old and I've already gotten one or two "So, when are you giving him a little sister?" comments from complete strangers - after a horrible pregnancy and PND, I'm barely able for one of him! Enjoy your one while you have just the one for however long it lasts - they're enough of a handful each anyway, in both good and bad ways :) Such a lovely post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you - it's funny how complete strangers feel they can ask you the most personal questions, isn't it? I warn you the elephant video is a bit addictive, it's the first thing Arlo asks for when he wakes up these days, that song is constantly stuck in my head!

      Delete
  2. What a great post, sounds like you have lots of happy fun-filled days =)
    I was asked when I would be having the next one, whilst I was pregnant... and suffering with HG... I probably shouldn't repeat my replies!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah thank you - being asked that question while pregnant, that has to be some kind of record!

      Delete
  3. It's a source of constant amazement to me that, once you've had a baby, people who you've never met think they've a right to comment on personal matters. I had a DVT while pregnant with number 1, had to inject myself twice a day, was on Warfarin for 6 months after the birth, and then to top it all, had PND. Sometimes, I felt like shouting that at nosy people asking when we would have another. In my case, the answer to the question 'when will you have another one' was 3.5 years. And yes, I have been told it's 'quite a big age gap' - usually by total strangers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, that sounds like quite a journey - can't blame you at all for wanting to take a gap. Although 3.5 years doesn't seem long at all to me I have to say - sounds very reasonable actually!

      Delete