Sunday 22 March 2015

My son the feminist


I was lucky enough to spend some time in the presence of one of my lady-heroes last week - Caitlin Moran. She's written things that have changed me. She says the cleverest things in the funniest way and makes things so strikingly simple - I fell in love with her a bit just listening to her discuss the things she cares about. She talked about reclaiming the term 'feminist' so that it's accessible and something to be proud of being.

When I was growing up, being a feminist had some negative 'man hater' / 'burn your bra' type connotations that I didn't really understand or identify with. And it confused me for a while because men and bras are two of my most favourite things. But I love how it's now becoming increasingly ubiquitous and understood a term. To paraphrase (and for the avoidance of doubt, as I've heard some questionable definitions lately) a feminist is someone who thinks men and women should be treated equally. It's simple. It's obvious. It shouldn't really need a term of its own if you think about it, because it should be given. It should just be everyone.

But it's not - not yet anyway. I was thinking this week about what it means to raise boys and how the concept of raising a feminist applies as much to boys as it does girls. Of course it's important for girls to be raised by strong women, but it totally applies to boys too. Let's not forget that feminism isn't gender-specific, it's not just something that only girls and women should be - yes the world needs more strong women, but it also needs more men to respect them. Men that get it. So I'm hell bent on raising a little boy feminist of my own.

It occurred to me that I'll probably need to explain the concept of feminism to Arlo at some point, like when he discovers a love of Beyonce (which let's face it is an inevitability one way or another), or hears something in the playground and comes to me to ask what it all means. I'm thinking that actually might be harder than it sounds due to the beauty and simplicity of child logic. Picture the scene: "mum, what's a feminist?" "well, it's someone who believes that women and men should be treated equally" "what? Why wouldn't they be?" "well, at the moment for example, some women are paid less than men are for doing the same job. And more of the people in charge of running the country are men than women" "but why? Who decided that?" "well, quite." It doesn't really need a toddler's beautifully simple logic to show that it doesn't make sense though, does it?

As a proud feminist who chose to procreate (and that's the first and last time I'm using that term to describe what happened, don't worry) with a fellow proud feminist I hope to raise a little feminist who loves and respects women and men just the same. And all the things I'd like to think I'd teach a little girl about the subject, I shall be teaching Arlo too. And I have a feeling he's going to do me proud.



6 comments:

  1. Just found you via Best Post of the Week and this is a great post. By leading by example your son is sure to follow suit, and heaven knows we need more of you and more of him in the world! Talking to my daughter about the fact that in some countries girls aren't allowed to go to school, she responded with "it's probably because the men know that the girls are already much cleverer than the boys, so they don't want them to get ahead!". Got to love children's simplicity!

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    1. I love Best Post of the Week for having a nosey and discovering new blogs, thanks for the read! You've got to love child logic - sometimes seeing things through their eyes helps me see things a lot clearer. Arlo's not really talking yet but I am very much looking forward to having conversations and hearing his take on things. Your daughter sounds smart to me :)

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  2. I love Caitlin! I wish I can buy her books or borrow it in the local library (its not available). I usually go to the library to read her weekly column. Hopefully when our children are older everything will be better and feminist is no longer an issue you need to fight for but a discipline that people are practicing! #pocolo

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    1. Here's hoping! It seems mad that it's something to fight for, doesn't it! Thanks for the comment, I've been enjoying checking out your blog too these last few days! x

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  3. I think Caitlin Moran is great! I am certain that you are a great Mum and will definitely be able to explain fully to your son - and it will really help him to become the man you would like him to be. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo

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    1. Thanks Vic - funny the things you find yourself having to think about when you have kids that you never even imagined! I feel so much responsibility to explain things properly to him. Been loving checking out #PoCoLo btw - can always while away a lot of time checking out new blogs!

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