This was the week that...

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• I got a new haircut that channels the queen that is Peggy Olsen and I've been wishing I was as cool as her
• Adele spoke about parenting and got it SPOT ON (when does she not?) 
• I wept along to Suffragette at the cinema (if you haven't already - go see it!)
• I read Caitlin Moran's words of advice to her 13-year-old daughter. Wish someone had said this to me twenty years ago. Bookmarking this now for Arlo in another ten years or so 
• Arlo discovered the joys of black crayon. On the walls, shelves, floors...
• I rediscovered my love for this album which is as brilliant as it is short 
• I read this article about how virgos are misunderstood and nodded along a lot 
• Arlo and Alex both got new Doc Mart boots and I lusted after a pair too

Things I'm thankful for - the election day edition

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts, but I've woken up with such a buzz today because I bloody love election day. We all should. We're lucky enough to live in a democracy and we should all exercise our right (and responsibility) to have our say and input into what happens. I'm torn between voting with my heart, and putting a cross next to the party I believe in most, or using my head an making a tactical vote that might not be my first choice, but is a vote against the guys I really don't want to make it in. A lot of that happens here. I think I'll just take a deep breath in the little cubicle at the polling station, and decide on the spot, unless a flash of inspiration hits me in the meantime.

So with a bubbling sense of excitement in my tummy I've been thinking today about the things I'm thankful for - some big, some small, all lovely and important:

• Choices. I have lots. I'm lucky enough to have been born here, in this country, and now, in this era, which means I can choose things which essentially are basic human rights but have been seen previously as privileges and still are denied to lots of people all over the world. Things like; what I do for a job, whether I even have a job, what I wear, whether to go to school (that choice was kind of made on my behalf but I'm glad it was - good thinking mum and dad), who I live with, when to have a child, you know, just little things like that. I can't imagine not being able to choose these things, it seems totally absurd not to be able to, but I'm lucky and wanted to stop and take a moment to remember that and be thankful.
• Time off. Last night I booked what will be our first ever proper family holiday. We have a week off work int he first week of June, coinciding with Arlo's birthday, and we'll be going away. The last time we went on hols the Spice Girls were together (for the Olympic closing ceremony, it wasn't the 90s, that would be ridiculous) so this has been a long time coming. I'd forgotten how ace it is to have something to look forward to like getting away. Can't wait.
• Hobbies. This might sound like a weird one, but for ages I kind of forgot to have any hobbies because I had lots on and trying to fit in a 'hobby' seemed a bit self-indulgent because the other things on my plate were very genuinely important. Things like making sure our baby didn't die / making sure I stayed awake in client meetings so I could make a valid case for getting paid and therefore paying the mortgage. But actually, hobbies are so important! (I'm going to stop using the word 'hobby' now as it's sounding quite gittish, but you know what I mean - something you do that you find fun but isn't essential to your time on earth). Over the last few months they've helped me relax, provided head space, and reminded me how much fun it is to be creative.
• Creativity. Bit abstract I realise, but truly such a mega-important part of life. I saw someone say the other day that "you can't use up creativity - the more you use, the more you have" and his has been so true for me lately. Yes I'm creative at work and that's brilliant but there's a different kind of freedom to being creative for yourself, just because you fancy it. To create something just for the sake of creating, where the process is just as important as the output. I feel like lately I'm bursting with ideas of things I want to draw, paint, write and make... it's just like when I was nine years old and obsessed with Bitsa. In short, it's ace! 

So dear pals, go forth and vote, make choices and be creative. Such ideal ways to spend your time.

My son the feminist

I was lucky enough to spend some time in the presence of one of my lady-heroes last week - Caitlin Moran. She's written things that have changed me. She says the cleverest things in the funniest way and makes things so strikingly simple - I fell in love with her a bit just listening to her discuss the things she cares about. She talked about reclaiming the term 'feminist' so that it's accessible and something to be proud of being.

When I was growing up, being a feminist had some negative 'man hater' / 'burn your bra' type connotations that I didn't really understand or identify with. And it confused me for a while because men and bras are two of my most favourite things. But I love how it's now becoming increasingly ubiquitous and understood a term. To paraphrase (and for the avoidance of doubt, as I've heard some questionable definitions lately) a feminist is someone who thinks men and women should be treated equally. It's simple. It's obvious. It shouldn't really need a term of its own if you think about it, because it should be given. It should just be everyone.

But it's not - not yet anyway. I was thinking this week about what it means to raise boys and how the concept of raising a feminist applies as much to boys as it does girls. Of course it's important for girls to be raised by strong women, but it totally applies to boys too. Let's not forget that feminism isn't gender-specific, it's not just something that only girls and women should be - yes the world needs more strong women, but it also needs more men to respect them. Men that get it. So I'm hell bent on raising a little boy feminist of my own.

It occurred to me that I'll probably need to explain the concept of feminism to Arlo at some point, like when he discovers a love of Beyonce (which let's face it is an inevitability one way or another), or hears something in the playground and comes to me to ask what it all means. I'm thinking that actually might be harder than it sounds due to the beauty and simplicity of child logic. Picture the scene: "mum, what's a feminist?" "well, it's someone who believes that women and men should be treated equally" "what? Why wouldn't they be?" "well, at the moment for example, some women are paid less than men are for doing the same job. And more of the people in charge of running the country are men than women" "but why? Who decided that?" "well, quite." It doesn't really need a toddler's beautifully simple logic to show that it doesn't make sense though, does it?

As a proud feminist who chose to procreate (and that's the first and last time I'm using that term to describe what happened, don't worry) with a fellow proud feminist I hope to raise a little feminist who loves and respects women and men just the same. And all the things I'd like to think I'd teach a little girl about the subject, I shall be teaching Arlo too. And I have a feeling he's going to do me proud.

Who run the world?

So it's International Women's Day today, and in the spirit of celebrating it, here's a little collection of some of my favourite things by some of my favourite women, that I've been looking at this week:

• I love this illustration, above - taken from the brilliant series on the subject here. 
• I get to meet my lady-hero Caitlin Moran tomorrow for work, which will make it a Very Good Day At Work indeed. If you haven't read How To Be A Woman, then what are you waiting for? Every woman human should. 
• I worked with Plan UK on a big media campaign a few years back and they remain one of my favourite charities. Looking back it was one of my madder/ more stressful periods of work, but one that taught me a lot and was rewarding in a way my job usually isn't because I could see the results directly in the brilliant stuff they do. The work they do to empower girls in developing countries is so so needed. 
• And while we're on the subject, this video from The Girl Effect is so eloquent and simple and powerful. Never fails to bring a tear.
• Lucy Mangan is very clever and very funny, and this piece she wrote about international Woman's Day this week is just so spot on it hurts.

Right, must dash - I need a good nights sleep for Important Day At Work tomorrow. Will probs be listening to this and this on repeat the whole way there.

The thing about weddings.

Image found here, via Pinterest, where else?

We went to a wedding last weekend. Spirits were high, everyone wore their prettiest dresses and shiniest shoes, the bride and groom were a happy and handsome couple, and Alex and I even got to have a baby free night of dancing and prosecco drinking as we had a babysitter. It was the best day.

Except. I lost count of the times someone asked me "so when are you getting married?" a close runner-up was "so when are you having another baby?" as if either of those things are a fait accompli. Because of course they aren't.

We share a mortgage. And a CHILD. A whole human being is reliant on the two of us looking after him to make sure he is able to stay alive and grow and be happy. Rest assured that's not something we chose to do lightly. We can't live without each other and have no intention of doing so for the rest of our lives. But somehow, I feel like people don't think we're "proper" if we're not married.

A response I got from one party-goer when I said we had no plans to was "How modern!" as if we were doing something really cutting edge. In truth, getting married just doesn't come very far up the list of priorities for either of us right now; we're not religious, we're busy, we're happy, and things don't really need to change in any way.

And it's not that I particularly mind being asked, but it's just... isn't it a bit rude to assume? "Do you think you'll ever get married?" is a lot different to "so when are you getting married?". People seem surprised when we say that we aren't even thinking about having another baby any time soon. Would everyone be so open about personal questions in other situations? Would it be OK to ask a single person at a wedding "aren't you ever getting married" or "so, do you not want to have kids?" Isn't this kind of stuff ultimately just up to us to decide? As Alex said the day after, it's like people assume that if you choose not to have a second child, it's because you're not that keen on the first one. How about we are basically taking each day as it comes because we're still figuring out this parenting stuff and we have enough to keep us busy right now?

What I've learnt: not to assume everyone wants to follow the same path. There's lots of different ways  to get through life, and agreeing to an (arguably) antiquated, Christian tradition where a woman has to promise to 'obey' her man (ok, ok, I know not all vows are like this these days, but the ones that are - I can't bear it!) for the sake of it, is not the only one.

Tell you what though, there is one true incentive to get hitched - the excuse to throw a massive party with all your favourite people in the world all in the same room just for you. That's a once in a lifetime experience, and every time I go to a wedding I feel so high on all the love that's flying around, it really is ace. So maybe we'll pretend we're getting married just so we can get all our mates over for a big party? Who knows. For now, it 'aint broke so nothing needs changing. Thanks for asking.