My 2016 resolutions

This pic is one I took of the Chris (Simpsons Artist) book that I got for Christmas. It's AMAZING and so is he.

I'm not really one for new year's resolutions - they're usually a bit too abstract and big and difficult to actually stick to for my liking, but this year there are a couple of things want to do that are really tangible - they're more goals for 2016 I suppose, but in the spirit of new years, I'll call them resolutions, and I'm sharing them here to make me even more likely to stick to them:

1. Pass my driving test. This year will be 15 years since I took my first one, so I sense it's probably time I got this sorted.
2. Be vegan for a month in January. Alex has been meat and dairy free for a few months now so I feel I should give it a go and a month feels like the right amount of time to get into it and see how it feels. My initial concerns have gone now that I've discovered the most amazing diary-free rocky road in the Coop round the corner which is chocolatey heaven, so I'm GOLDEN.

Then as well as these two things, which if I succeed in doing it will feel like a major triumph, I do also want to try and do one other thing this year - or to be more accurate, I want to do less of something. I want to worry less. I always try to be mindful, live in the moment and appreciate the small things, but I think I could do more of it. I want to give less of an F about the things that aren't important. The things I can't change. The things I'm worried I should be doing. I'm feeling quite 'shit or get off the pan' about life right now, and I want to embrace it (sorry for all the swears). As a wise man once said 'if you feel sick just be sick. If you love someone just tell them.' That's my motto for 2016 - if I want to do something, I'm just going to do it. Hopefully this resolution will manifest itself in more ways than just vomit - let's see!

Eeking out Romjul

My favourite Christmas decorations from all I've spotted out and about - the Momins in the window of Brill, EC1R.

Oh hello there - sorry things have been a bit very quiet over here lately, we've just been enjoying a good old Christmas break. Christmas with a toddler that understands what it's all about for the first time is just so magical. Sat on the sofa on Christmas Eve, out of nowhere, this little exchange happened:

Arlo: thank you mummy
Me: for what?
Arlo: Christmas

Not ashamed to say I shed a small tear - it's been a really lovely break, and just what we all needed.

And in particular we've been having a wonderful Romjul (I've just found out what that means, and I love the concept - you can see more info here). We got back home from London the day after Boxing Day and since then we've been lost in a lazy, what-day-is-it / is-there-any-chocolate-orange-left / shall-we-have-an-afternoon-nap kind of time, and it's been wonderful. So more exciting blog-type stuff to come, I promise - for now, I'm off to eek out the last few days of Romjul.

Happy New Year everyone!

Now I am 32...

I very nearly just posted this picture all on its own, as a bit of a 'silent Sunday' post, but I thought it probably deserved a word or two of explanation. It's a shot of a recent page I pulled together for my scrapbook, to mark my birthday a couple of months ago. It's the first layout I've ever done without a photo in it, because I wanted to try and remember all the things floating around in my head as I entered by thirty-third year - in particular, all the things I'm thankful for. In the midst of all the boring day-to-day stuff, and schedules and work and who's-made-the-packed-lunch and we've-run-out-of-nappies and please-please-wait-for-the-potty moments, there's loads of really good stuff happening, you just have to try and stop for a moment to remember it all...

Life lately - am I a bad blogger?

Things have been a title quiet round here lately. I mean right here on A Sunny Island, not in actual real life, because actually everything else has been pretty bonkers lately, which probably explains it. I've felt a little bad to be honest. Like I've neglected the blog a bit and not been doing all my 'blogging duties' - writing regularly and keeping up to date with all my other favourite blogs and being really good at social replies etc etc. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Part of me thinks I should be better, then another part reminds me that hang on, I only really am doing this for myself and if it's not fun, then why do it? One thing I always promised myself was that if I fall out of love with blogging for bit, or life comes along and gets in the way, that I won't feel bad, or try and make up for it with rushed posts just to 'fill' it - I only ever want to write because it's fun and I have time to sit and relax and share something. That's why some posts have had long gaps in between lately. It's highly likely no-one even noticed anyway!

So what's been happening around here? Might be quicker to list what hasn't been happening around here, like: clothes washing, proper cooking, sleeping, that kind of stuff. It's been a funny old month which has mostly consisted of:

• CAR STUFF: god I hate car stuff. We spent one dramatic Sunday afternoon stuck on the forecourt of a Sainsbury's petrol station with flumes of grey smoke billowing out from our car bonnet. After a long wait the mechanic told us what we'd been suspecting for a while - it's time for a new car. We'd been piling money into the old one to fix one thing after another and it was time to cut our losses. So we tried other cars, found one we liked, and I did a little silent sigh to myself as I handed over the credit card and paid the-most-I'd-ever-spent-on-anything-ever-in-one-go (not counting the house, because that just feels like Monopoly it's such crazy money) and now we have a new one. So after quite a few weeks of general car 'faff' it feels nice to have it sorted. 
• YET MORE CAR STUFF: something else has been happening over here this past month too. I've finally done it. I've got back into a car and attempted to drive it. This time no-one beeped at me or drove into me or anything (unlike many of the other times when I tried it the first time round, when I was seventeen and wore enormous flared corduroy trousers. I wonder if those two things could be connected?) so I consider this new venture a success so far. I really feel like driving has been my Achilles heel for all this time, so I'm hoping I can finally pass this time round. Besides, as my mum thoughtfully pointed out, "how many idiots do you know that can drive? You must be able to pass!"
• AND SOME HARD STUFF: we've been going through a really difficult phase with Arlo when I drop him at the childminders, he's been getting so upset. He's had clingy phases before but nothing as bad as this, lots of tears and holding on tight and it is the singularly Number One Most Horriblest way to start a day at work. So that's been quite hard BUT (and I almost don't want to say this because I don't want to jinx it) when I dropped him off yesterday there were no tears, he said good bye and then wandered off to start playing with something that caught his eye (I didn't see it but bets are it was elephant-shaped) so I'm super hopeful that phase might be ending. 

I don't want this to feel like a neggy round-up of 'bad stuff that's been happening lately' because actually all of the above are total par for the course and nothing in the grand scheme of things. So I'll finish with an arbitrary list of stuff that I'm thankful for right now, at this very minute: winter woolies, The Apprentice, moisturiser, Fridays, naps, wood fires, how much Arlo loves his animal pals and the lovely people who write lovely comments on my posts and give me the warm and fuzzies on the regs (if that's you then BIG love).

Back to school

I'm not sure you ever really lose that 'back to school' September feeling at this time of year. Tomorrow is my first day back at work for over two weeks and it feels like a lifetime since I was last in the office. Just like lots of teachers and school kids this week, I've been getting myself prepared for the first day back tomorrow. When I was eleven years old, this ritual used to involve fastidiously packing and repacking my pencil case, laying out my uniform at the bottom of the bed, and setting my alarm (and by that I mean an ACTUAL alarm clock, not just a phone setting) a good 30 minutes earlier than was actually necessary. This time round, getting prepared basically means making sure various electronic items are charged and ready to go, but the essence of the ritual is the same (and I've planned out my outfit in my head at least - don't think I'll ever stop doing that).

While last week I was dreading going back to work and our holiday coming to an end, I have to secretly admit that (whispers) I'm actually looking forward to it a bit. It's been wonderful to be off, but it's been long enough. We've been lovely and lazy, but I need a bit of drive now. I have space in my mind to fit in some other stuff. I can't wait to get on the train and read my emails and get back into everything, safe in the knowledge that Arlo is happily playing with all his little mates at the childminders. I know it will make me happier, and will make our next day together even better for having missed each other a bit. That's the thing - there's nothing like a bit of time apart to make the time together feel really special.

So bring on the working week please - after all, the sooner we get to it, the sooner the weekend will come.

Out of office

This boy...  some pics of a grey day we recently spent roaming around our local cemetery. It's very pretty and car-free which makes it a good place for Arlo to explore, so I hope that doesn't sound too weird a hang-out spot! Arlo's love of animals has spread into his clothing and he has some real favourites that he always asks to wear, including this tee covered in little jungle animals - wrestling this off at the end of the day for bath time is not fun!

In other news, I just put my out of office on, as we're off on our holidays this weekend. Two whole weeks off work. Two weeks straight of looking at this face. Lucky. Not sure how much blogging that means will be happening around these parts, I'll just be doing whatever feels right. For me, 'whatever feels right' probably includes things like: reading magazines, having brunch, going to the beach and generally just having a bit of a lounge at every opportunity. For Arlo, 'whatever feels right' will most likely be wearing this animal tee shirt for two weeks straight. But each to their own.

The barrenness of busy

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life" - Socrates. I saw someone post this on Instagram yesterday and it's been popping into my head ever since. I reckon he was on to something. This last month has felt very busy, and now I come to think about it, it's felt a little barren too. Lots going on, but not so many things that I actually want to remember. Many things happening, but few lasting memories. Alex and I have both had very busy work months - he's been working weekends to make up time on a big job that's just been finished, and I've had a lot of long days in London which have seen me creep out of the house before anyone wakes up, and creep back in again to find everyone tucked up in bed already.

So July's felt like a bit of a hard slog, but I'm so hopeful for August to come and be all kinds of nice to make up for it. Alex's big job is now finished, so he gets his weekends back, and we're both on official count down to our holiday at the end of August - two whole weeks of not very much stretching out in front of us, not very much 'busy', but more 'lazy', which I think are the best times of all.

Today was our first family day together for weeks, and we made the most of it. I'm writing this on the sofa next to a little boy who's snoozing away, totally knackered after a morning spent on the beach. Considering we live on a little Island surrounded by beaches, we hardly ever go. I plan to rectify this from now on, because we had so much fun today. Buckets and spades were purchased. Sandwiches got sandy. Body parts were buried in the sand. Lots of giggling happened. All the good beach things.

Then this afternoon we hung out with the type of friends that crossed over from the 'friend' category into 'family' years ago. Friends with lots of kids that all became a little gang of pals of various ages, with Arlo the littlest trailing along behind them, trying to keep up. More giggling happened. And some swimming. Also a below-par attempt at completing the Observer cryptic crossword. And now we're home and Arlo is snoozing and we're making burgers. Beat that July, you long-and-fairly-boring month! And hello August, very happy to see you, let's make this month less busy and more lazy please. Because that's when the best stuff happens.

Building tracks and blowing bubbles

Things have been pretty busy round here this month - of the last four weekends, only one has been spent at home, and that was without Alex because he was away. We're longing for a family weekend where we're all together with nothing much to do. Anyway, right in the middle of a very busy month, I found myself with a quiet afternoon. Arlo and I had nowhere we needed to be so we decided we didn't want to go anywhere. Anywhere except the garden, that is - it was a sunny afternoon so we headed out to make the most of it, with a train set and banana milkshake for Arlo, and the weekend papers and iced coffee for me. Heaven.

Our patio is very nearly almost finished now (you can see it in stages of being done here - thank god we're now past the rubble stage!) and even though there's a little corner that still needs doing, it's very much useable. We've even got a little bed running along the side with flowers planted in it now, very home-y indeed. We've been enjoying it so much, especially Arlo, as these pictures show - we whiled away a very happy hour making train tracks in different configurations, and then I taught him something I now wish I hadn't - how to blow bubbles in your drink with a straw. But he was going to figure that out for himself soon anyway, right?

Back to life...

You know that thing that happens on holiday at some point when you start referring to your hotel room or apartment as 'home'? Well that happened very early on while we were on holiday this week. We had a little two-bedroom cabin booked in the middle of the woods, and after about half an hour of us unpacking, including Arlo covering the floors in train tracks and us filling the fridge with essentials (milk, prosecco), it felt just like home.

So, now that we're back home home, and back to reality - like both of us back at work next week, and needing to do about five loads of washing, and something in the bin smells really bad - I just want to say 'bye' to our temporary little home in the woods. Bye to a week where I didn't wear a watch because there was no need to know what the time was at any point. A week where a lot of laughing happened. Where it was more than acceptable to drink a bottle of prosecco a night. And hot tub relaxing happened on the regs. Sigh.

It wasn't exactly a jam-packed holiday, and we didn't do lots - some hours were whiled away watching cartoons on the sofa, we spent a lot of time drawing elephants, and wooden train tracks needed rearranging often. But whatever we did (or didn't) do all week, we were all together. One whole week spent just the three of us. We all needed it. And Arlo loved it. No-one had to leave, we didn't need to wave anyone off to work, or drop anyone anywhere for the day. It was just the three of us, doing whatever we felt like. So bye, and BIG THANKS to our cabin home in the woods.

Things I'm thankful for - the election day edition

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts, but I've woken up with such a buzz today because I bloody love election day. We all should. We're lucky enough to live in a democracy and we should all exercise our right (and responsibility) to have our say and input into what happens. I'm torn between voting with my heart, and putting a cross next to the party I believe in most, or using my head an making a tactical vote that might not be my first choice, but is a vote against the guys I really don't want to make it in. A lot of that happens here. I think I'll just take a deep breath in the little cubicle at the polling station, and decide on the spot, unless a flash of inspiration hits me in the meantime.

So with a bubbling sense of excitement in my tummy I've been thinking today about the things I'm thankful for - some big, some small, all lovely and important:

• Choices. I have lots. I'm lucky enough to have been born here, in this country, and now, in this era, which means I can choose things which essentially are basic human rights but have been seen previously as privileges and still are denied to lots of people all over the world. Things like; what I do for a job, whether I even have a job, what I wear, whether to go to school (that choice was kind of made on my behalf but I'm glad it was - good thinking mum and dad), who I live with, when to have a child, you know, just little things like that. I can't imagine not being able to choose these things, it seems totally absurd not to be able to, but I'm lucky and wanted to stop and take a moment to remember that and be thankful.
• Time off. Last night I booked what will be our first ever proper family holiday. We have a week off work int he first week of June, coinciding with Arlo's birthday, and we'll be going away. The last time we went on hols the Spice Girls were together (for the Olympic closing ceremony, it wasn't the 90s, that would be ridiculous) so this has been a long time coming. I'd forgotten how ace it is to have something to look forward to like getting away. Can't wait.
• Hobbies. This might sound like a weird one, but for ages I kind of forgot to have any hobbies because I had lots on and trying to fit in a 'hobby' seemed a bit self-indulgent because the other things on my plate were very genuinely important. Things like making sure our baby didn't die / making sure I stayed awake in client meetings so I could make a valid case for getting paid and therefore paying the mortgage. But actually, hobbies are so important! (I'm going to stop using the word 'hobby' now as it's sounding quite gittish, but you know what I mean - something you do that you find fun but isn't essential to your time on earth). Over the last few months they've helped me relax, provided head space, and reminded me how much fun it is to be creative.
• Creativity. Bit abstract I realise, but truly such a mega-important part of life. I saw someone say the other day that "you can't use up creativity - the more you use, the more you have" and his has been so true for me lately. Yes I'm creative at work and that's brilliant but there's a different kind of freedom to being creative for yourself, just because you fancy it. To create something just for the sake of creating, where the process is just as important as the output. I feel like lately I'm bursting with ideas of things I want to draw, paint, write and make... it's just like when I was nine years old and obsessed with Bitsa. In short, it's ace! 

So dear pals, go forth and vote, make choices and be creative. Such ideal ways to spend your time.

What might happen on your first day back at work after maternity leave

Our very own 'last supper' this week

Arlo and I made a trip across the water to Southampton this week for lunch with my brilliant sister and equally brilliant nephew. It was kind of a 'last supper' because next week she goes back to work after maternity leave and we're going to work opposite days which means mid-week meet-ups will be a thing of the past. I don't think she's exactly looking forward to returning to work at the moment, and it's got me thinking about when I went back and left little Arlo for a full day with the childminder for the first time. It felt pretty scary. Scary and unknown. So I've been thinking about what I wish someone had told me when I was in the same boat, 18 months ago. Just so I had half a clue of what it might go like. So here goes:


What might happen on your first day back at work after maternity leave:

You might have a little cry when you drop him off for the first day. And it's totally cool to have a little cry when you drop him off for the first day. And any other day after that too, if you feel like it.

He might feel a little nervous when you drop him off. But there's a whole new world of toys to play with and friends to make that will distract him in no time.

You might have a little stomach lurch when you walk through the office doors and wonder whether you're actually able to function as anything other than a mum these days and whether you've completely forgotten how to do your job.

You might forget some things. Things like; your computer password, how your colleagues like their tea, how to have a conversation with an adult that doesn't focus on sleeping patterns and nappy contents. But lots of things come flooding back really quickly.

You might look round the office and wander what the F you're doing here when you could be at home cuddling on the sofa, reading Dear Zoo for the fiftieth time of the day and loving it as much as you did the first time round.

You might forget where you are for a moment and say something like "silly mummy!" loudly when you accidentally close the file you're working on, instead of something more office appropriate like "oh god what a terrible dick I am" (that might be specific to my office only).

You might find the day goes a lot quicker than you thought it would.

You might remind yourself how shit hot you are at your job and feel quite satisfied at the end of the day.

You might end up enjoying yourself (a little bit). And he might too.


But whatever does happen on your first day back, there are some things I can almost guarantee: 

You will finish the day.

You will see him afterwards and he will give you the best smile you've ever seen.

He will be OK. And you will too.

Friday I'm in love... with London

I got to have one of my all-time favourite dinners at one of my favourite places in London this week when I met a really dear old pal of mine at Southbank. We sat on the terrace and had the whole of the London Eye as our view. I was a real 'I miss London' moment - and I haven't had many of those since we moved. It was really nice to be out in a place packed with people, which may sound strange but you're just never really part of a crowd here on the Isle of Wight. It's pretty sleepy. On the train home I was all WHY HASN'T PING PONG OPENED AN ISLE OF WIGHT BRANCH AND WHY DO MY BRILLIANT PALS HAVE TO LIVE SO FAR AWAY AND I MISS PEOPLE AND HAVING THE LONDON EYE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY AND ALL THE REST OF LONDON TOO, ALL PLACES SHOULD BE MORE LIKE THIS PLEASE.

But then the next day I was off work with Arlo, and the sun was shining, and we went for a walk and looked at the sea and all was calm and I was all OOH IT'S SO LOVELY AND SLEEPY HERE AND NOT MUCH HAPPENS AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY AND ACTUALLY IF THERE WERE SEVERAL HUNDRED ANNOYING MEDIA TYPES WANDERING AROUND INSTAGRAMMING THE SHIT OUT OF THE SEAFRONT IT WOULD BE REALLY BLOODY ANNOYING.

So I could never choose between London or the Island (and you can't make me!) But I'm very happy I get to hang out with the city once a week before coming home to the sleepy country for all the relaxings. But if there was a Ping Pong on the Island I'm sure I could cope with the ensuing crowds in return for the little steamed parcels of deliciousness. I need more of them in my life.

A balancing act.

Something quite exciting happened in the Lewis-Wild household this week - Alex has gone from a 5-day to a 4-day working week. We made a family decision for him to work a day less and spend more time with Arlo while he's little. It means we'll have a bit less cash to spend each month, but a whole lot more family time to spend together, so in the end it was a very easy decision to make.

It feels very empowering to make a decision like that. Right when we were thinking about having a family, a (very wise) friend said to me "the first thing you have to do is realise that money is not important. Then a world of opportunity opens up to you". She was right. As soon as she said it,  something just clicked. Everything changed. With that perspective everything seemed obvious to us and within a year we had moved from London to the country, Alex had left his job, and Arlo had arrived.

'Work/life balance' was a  term we used to use a lot when I worked in London but I never really got it. It didn't feel particularly relevant to me in my full-time, full-on job, and, as I've mentioned before here as a self-confessed workaholic I was pretty happy to give it my all at the time. But now that I've had Arlo I totally get why everyone's searching for a work/ life balance and why it's so important. Don't get me wrong, I would never want to not work, and I do love my job, but doing it part time means I'm lucky enough to enjoy it when I am doing it, knowing I have enough time to spend with Arlo to make up for it.

And it's also got me thinking about the whole 'women having it all' thing, which is apparently something I'm meant to aspire to, if you take all those exactly-the-same-every-week Grazia articles at face value. I think the concept is pretty ridiculous. All any woman - or man for that matter - needs to look for in life is to be happy. If happy for you is getting to the top in your career, bravo. If it's having a house full of kids and cats, high five! If you fancy moving to Peru to become a monk then hey, can't say I quite see where you're coming from, but good for you anyway! It's such a weird (and potentially dangerous) benchmark for women to feel they have to have it 'all', because - psssst! 'all' doesn't actually mean anything, so let's all just give ourselves a break and get on with doing whatever it is we want please.

Funnily enough, since we made the decision for Alex to go down to a 4-day week, I've noticed a few articles online about the benefits of a shorter working week - both from the point of view of employees and employers. This feels like something really exciting, and something we'd never have been able to make happen if we still lived in London. We get to have a long family weekend together every week, who could say no to that?