Life lately - am I a bad blogger?

Things have been a title quiet round here lately. I mean right here on A Sunny Island, not in actual real life, because actually everything else has been pretty bonkers lately, which probably explains it. I've felt a little bad to be honest. Like I've neglected the blog a bit and not been doing all my 'blogging duties' - writing regularly and keeping up to date with all my other favourite blogs and being really good at social replies etc etc. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Part of me thinks I should be better, then another part reminds me that hang on, I only really am doing this for myself and if it's not fun, then why do it? One thing I always promised myself was that if I fall out of love with blogging for bit, or life comes along and gets in the way, that I won't feel bad, or try and make up for it with rushed posts just to 'fill' it - I only ever want to write because it's fun and I have time to sit and relax and share something. That's why some posts have had long gaps in between lately. It's highly likely no-one even noticed anyway!

So what's been happening around here? Might be quicker to list what hasn't been happening around here, like: clothes washing, proper cooking, sleeping, that kind of stuff. It's been a funny old month which has mostly consisted of:

• CAR STUFF: god I hate car stuff. We spent one dramatic Sunday afternoon stuck on the forecourt of a Sainsbury's petrol station with flumes of grey smoke billowing out from our car bonnet. After a long wait the mechanic told us what we'd been suspecting for a while - it's time for a new car. We'd been piling money into the old one to fix one thing after another and it was time to cut our losses. So we tried other cars, found one we liked, and I did a little silent sigh to myself as I handed over the credit card and paid the-most-I'd-ever-spent-on-anything-ever-in-one-go (not counting the house, because that just feels like Monopoly it's such crazy money) and now we have a new one. So after quite a few weeks of general car 'faff' it feels nice to have it sorted. 
• YET MORE CAR STUFF: something else has been happening over here this past month too. I've finally done it. I've got back into a car and attempted to drive it. This time no-one beeped at me or drove into me or anything (unlike many of the other times when I tried it the first time round, when I was seventeen and wore enormous flared corduroy trousers. I wonder if those two things could be connected?) so I consider this new venture a success so far. I really feel like driving has been my Achilles heel for all this time, so I'm hoping I can finally pass this time round. Besides, as my mum thoughtfully pointed out, "how many idiots do you know that can drive? You must be able to pass!"
• AND SOME HARD STUFF: we've been going through a really difficult phase with Arlo when I drop him at the childminders, he's been getting so upset. He's had clingy phases before but nothing as bad as this, lots of tears and holding on tight and it is the singularly Number One Most Horriblest way to start a day at work. So that's been quite hard BUT (and I almost don't want to say this because I don't want to jinx it) when I dropped him off yesterday there were no tears, he said good bye and then wandered off to start playing with something that caught his eye (I didn't see it but bets are it was elephant-shaped) so I'm super hopeful that phase might be ending. 

I don't want this to feel like a neggy round-up of 'bad stuff that's been happening lately' because actually all of the above are total par for the course and nothing in the grand scheme of things. So I'll finish with an arbitrary list of stuff that I'm thankful for right now, at this very minute: winter woolies, The Apprentice, moisturiser, Fridays, naps, wood fires, how much Arlo loves his animal pals and the lovely people who write lovely comments on my posts and give me the warm and fuzzies on the regs (if that's you then BIG love).

Back to school

I'm not sure you ever really lose that 'back to school' September feeling at this time of year. Tomorrow is my first day back at work for over two weeks and it feels like a lifetime since I was last in the office. Just like lots of teachers and school kids this week, I've been getting myself prepared for the first day back tomorrow. When I was eleven years old, this ritual used to involve fastidiously packing and repacking my pencil case, laying out my uniform at the bottom of the bed, and setting my alarm (and by that I mean an ACTUAL alarm clock, not just a phone setting) a good 30 minutes earlier than was actually necessary. This time round, getting prepared basically means making sure various electronic items are charged and ready to go, but the essence of the ritual is the same (and I've planned out my outfit in my head at least - don't think I'll ever stop doing that).

While last week I was dreading going back to work and our holiday coming to an end, I have to secretly admit that (whispers) I'm actually looking forward to it a bit. It's been wonderful to be off, but it's been long enough. We've been lovely and lazy, but I need a bit of drive now. I have space in my mind to fit in some other stuff. I can't wait to get on the train and read my emails and get back into everything, safe in the knowledge that Arlo is happily playing with all his little mates at the childminders. I know it will make me happier, and will make our next day together even better for having missed each other a bit. That's the thing - there's nothing like a bit of time apart to make the time together feel really special.

So bring on the working week please - after all, the sooner we get to it, the sooner the weekend will come.

Out of office

This boy...  some pics of a grey day we recently spent roaming around our local cemetery. It's very pretty and car-free which makes it a good place for Arlo to explore, so I hope that doesn't sound too weird a hang-out spot! Arlo's love of animals has spread into his clothing and he has some real favourites that he always asks to wear, including this tee covered in little jungle animals - wrestling this off at the end of the day for bath time is not fun!

In other news, I just put my out of office on, as we're off on our holidays this weekend. Two whole weeks off work. Two weeks straight of looking at this face. Lucky. Not sure how much blogging that means will be happening around these parts, I'll just be doing whatever feels right. For me, 'whatever feels right' probably includes things like: reading magazines, having brunch, going to the beach and generally just having a bit of a lounge at every opportunity. For Arlo, 'whatever feels right' will most likely be wearing this animal tee shirt for two weeks straight. But each to their own.

Friday I'm in love... with pay day

Things that I do every single pay day:

1. Weep a salty tear of relief
2. Buy some fresh flowers and order a shitload of Nespresso capsules in an excited flurry of feeling loaded
3. Sort out all the boring stuff like mortgage, council tax, bills etc etc etc 
4. Begin precise countdown until the next pay day

Things I'm thankful for - the election day edition

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts, but I've woken up with such a buzz today because I bloody love election day. We all should. We're lucky enough to live in a democracy and we should all exercise our right (and responsibility) to have our say and input into what happens. I'm torn between voting with my heart, and putting a cross next to the party I believe in most, or using my head an making a tactical vote that might not be my first choice, but is a vote against the guys I really don't want to make it in. A lot of that happens here. I think I'll just take a deep breath in the little cubicle at the polling station, and decide on the spot, unless a flash of inspiration hits me in the meantime.

So with a bubbling sense of excitement in my tummy I've been thinking today about the things I'm thankful for - some big, some small, all lovely and important:

• Choices. I have lots. I'm lucky enough to have been born here, in this country, and now, in this era, which means I can choose things which essentially are basic human rights but have been seen previously as privileges and still are denied to lots of people all over the world. Things like; what I do for a job, whether I even have a job, what I wear, whether to go to school (that choice was kind of made on my behalf but I'm glad it was - good thinking mum and dad), who I live with, when to have a child, you know, just little things like that. I can't imagine not being able to choose these things, it seems totally absurd not to be able to, but I'm lucky and wanted to stop and take a moment to remember that and be thankful.
• Time off. Last night I booked what will be our first ever proper family holiday. We have a week off work int he first week of June, coinciding with Arlo's birthday, and we'll be going away. The last time we went on hols the Spice Girls were together (for the Olympic closing ceremony, it wasn't the 90s, that would be ridiculous) so this has been a long time coming. I'd forgotten how ace it is to have something to look forward to like getting away. Can't wait.
• Hobbies. This might sound like a weird one, but for ages I kind of forgot to have any hobbies because I had lots on and trying to fit in a 'hobby' seemed a bit self-indulgent because the other things on my plate were very genuinely important. Things like making sure our baby didn't die / making sure I stayed awake in client meetings so I could make a valid case for getting paid and therefore paying the mortgage. But actually, hobbies are so important! (I'm going to stop using the word 'hobby' now as it's sounding quite gittish, but you know what I mean - something you do that you find fun but isn't essential to your time on earth). Over the last few months they've helped me relax, provided head space, and reminded me how much fun it is to be creative.
• Creativity. Bit abstract I realise, but truly such a mega-important part of life. I saw someone say the other day that "you can't use up creativity - the more you use, the more you have" and his has been so true for me lately. Yes I'm creative at work and that's brilliant but there's a different kind of freedom to being creative for yourself, just because you fancy it. To create something just for the sake of creating, where the process is just as important as the output. I feel like lately I'm bursting with ideas of things I want to draw, paint, write and make... it's just like when I was nine years old and obsessed with Bitsa. In short, it's ace! 

So dear pals, go forth and vote, make choices and be creative. Such ideal ways to spend your time.

What might happen on your first day back at work after maternity leave

Our very own 'last supper' this week

Arlo and I made a trip across the water to Southampton this week for lunch with my brilliant sister and equally brilliant nephew. It was kind of a 'last supper' because next week she goes back to work after maternity leave and we're going to work opposite days which means mid-week meet-ups will be a thing of the past. I don't think she's exactly looking forward to returning to work at the moment, and it's got me thinking about when I went back and left little Arlo for a full day with the childminder for the first time. It felt pretty scary. Scary and unknown. So I've been thinking about what I wish someone had told me when I was in the same boat, 18 months ago. Just so I had half a clue of what it might go like. So here goes:


What might happen on your first day back at work after maternity leave:

You might have a little cry when you drop him off for the first day. And it's totally cool to have a little cry when you drop him off for the first day. And any other day after that too, if you feel like it.

He might feel a little nervous when you drop him off. But there's a whole new world of toys to play with and friends to make that will distract him in no time.

You might have a little stomach lurch when you walk through the office doors and wonder whether you're actually able to function as anything other than a mum these days and whether you've completely forgotten how to do your job.

You might forget some things. Things like; your computer password, how your colleagues like their tea, how to have a conversation with an adult that doesn't focus on sleeping patterns and nappy contents. But lots of things come flooding back really quickly.

You might look round the office and wander what the F you're doing here when you could be at home cuddling on the sofa, reading Dear Zoo for the fiftieth time of the day and loving it as much as you did the first time round.

You might forget where you are for a moment and say something like "silly mummy!" loudly when you accidentally close the file you're working on, instead of something more office appropriate like "oh god what a terrible dick I am" (that might be specific to my office only).

You might find the day goes a lot quicker than you thought it would.

You might remind yourself how shit hot you are at your job and feel quite satisfied at the end of the day.

You might end up enjoying yourself (a little bit). And he might too.


But whatever does happen on your first day back, there are some things I can almost guarantee: 

You will finish the day.

You will see him afterwards and he will give you the best smile you've ever seen.

He will be OK. And you will too.

Friday I'm in love... with London

I got to have one of my all-time favourite dinners at one of my favourite places in London this week when I met a really dear old pal of mine at Southbank. We sat on the terrace and had the whole of the London Eye as our view. I was a real 'I miss London' moment - and I haven't had many of those since we moved. It was really nice to be out in a place packed with people, which may sound strange but you're just never really part of a crowd here on the Isle of Wight. It's pretty sleepy. On the train home I was all WHY HASN'T PING PONG OPENED AN ISLE OF WIGHT BRANCH AND WHY DO MY BRILLIANT PALS HAVE TO LIVE SO FAR AWAY AND I MISS PEOPLE AND HAVING THE LONDON EYE IN CLOSE PROXIMITY AND ALL THE REST OF LONDON TOO, ALL PLACES SHOULD BE MORE LIKE THIS PLEASE.

But then the next day I was off work with Arlo, and the sun was shining, and we went for a walk and looked at the sea and all was calm and I was all OOH IT'S SO LOVELY AND SLEEPY HERE AND NOT MUCH HAPPENS AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY AND ACTUALLY IF THERE WERE SEVERAL HUNDRED ANNOYING MEDIA TYPES WANDERING AROUND INSTAGRAMMING THE SHIT OUT OF THE SEAFRONT IT WOULD BE REALLY BLOODY ANNOYING.

So I could never choose between London or the Island (and you can't make me!) But I'm very happy I get to hang out with the city once a week before coming home to the sleepy country for all the relaxings. But if there was a Ping Pong on the Island I'm sure I could cope with the ensuing crowds in return for the little steamed parcels of deliciousness. I need more of them in my life.

Who run the world?

So it's International Women's Day today, and in the spirit of celebrating it, here's a little collection of some of my favourite things by some of my favourite women, that I've been looking at this week:

• I love this illustration, above - taken from the brilliant series on the subject here. 
• I get to meet my lady-hero Caitlin Moran tomorrow for work, which will make it a Very Good Day At Work indeed. If you haven't read How To Be A Woman, then what are you waiting for? Every woman human should. 
• I worked with Plan UK on a big media campaign a few years back and they remain one of my favourite charities. Looking back it was one of my madder/ more stressful periods of work, but one that taught me a lot and was rewarding in a way my job usually isn't because I could see the results directly in the brilliant stuff they do. The work they do to empower girls in developing countries is so so needed. 
• And while we're on the subject, this video from The Girl Effect is so eloquent and simple and powerful. Never fails to bring a tear.
• Lucy Mangan is very clever and very funny, and this piece she wrote about international Woman's Day this week is just so spot on it hurts.

Right, must dash - I need a good nights sleep for Important Day At Work tomorrow. Will probs be listening to this and this on repeat the whole way there.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Here's Arlo on the slide the other day. Although if I was being more accurate, I should probably say: Here's Arlo sitting at the top of he slide the other day. Because he didn't actually make it down. This has happened the last few times we've gone to he park - he gets up there, sits himself at the top, looks down, and then stops. I can tell he's a bit worried as he very carefully gets off and takes my hand so we can walk back down the hill the slide is at the top of together.

But it's not like he's never gone down the slide before - he used to. All the time. Over and over until I'd drag him away and try and plonk him on the swings for a bit. So something now is stopping him doing it, despite all my encouragement. It's like he now knows too much and he's a bit worried about going down - maybe it's the height, or the speed, or the fact that he can't see me down at the bottom, or all manner of other things in his mind that I can't even imagine. 

I feel sad that one of his favourite carefree things to do has now turned into something he's too scared to try (at least for the time being anyway). I suppose this is something that is going to happen as he gets older. It's certainly happened to me lately. I have memories that I can't quite believe are real - of things I just wouldn't do now. I can't believe I once jumped out of an aeroplane. Or walked out of a job I didn't like without anywhere else to go. Or paddled through a crocodile-infested river because I couldn't be bothered to walk he long way round (I think that last one was more stupidity than bravery in fact). These are all things I would be too scared to do now. But that I'm glad I did. 

Before Xmas I was at Facebook's offices for a meeting, and they have almost every wall covered in what I suppose they think are inspirational thoughts for employees. There was one that stuck with me though. It asked 'what would you do if you weren't afraid?' I think it's a good question. Fear is something that stops us doing things big and small, whether we're aware of it or not, and although it can make us think twice about doing things that are really a bit silly (I can safely say I won't be walking with crocs ever again!) it also can hold us back from things - things that feel unknown or different to usual. So we have something of a new year's resolution in the Lewis-Wild household - to be brave. For me that's about just getting on and bloody doing all those things I think I might quite want to do but somehow always find a reason not to. And for Arlo, we'll be getting back on the slide and remembering how much fun it always used to be.

Pangs

So yesterday was my first day back at work after three weeks (three weeks!) off. I had such a weird mix of emotions in the run up. The week before, I was dreading it because it meant Xmas was over and what would we have to look forward to now? Then the weekend before, I felt ready - we'd had a great break and I was excited to  get back to a routine, use my brain for something different, have something to focus on. I usually feel this way about work and I've always been open about wanting to go back after having Arlo and being very happy to be working.

So the way I felt the night before caught me totally off guard. I lost my shit a little bit. Some crying happened - the kind that comes completely out of the blue and surprises you. I had that sad little lurching feeling in the bottom of my tummy and as I searched through my brain to figure out what it was that was making me feel so uneasy I realised - I didn't want to say goodbye to Arlo. The thought of a day apart from him made me feel irrationally upset, which felt quite new. I think it's best described as a 'pang'. A real pang of sadness. Of course I always miss him when I'm at work and look forward to the day ending and seeing his little smiling face at the end of it, but I've never felt quite so strongly about it before. It felt like it was out of control and happening against my wishes. I put him to bed with a heavy heart that evening.

In fact, apart from an initial wail as I said goodbye at the childminder's (which felt like a pick-axe to the heart), Arlo ended up having a brilliant day at the childminder's, and I ended up having a brilliant day at work too. I was super-productive, felt very chipper, and crossed EVERY SINGLE ACTION off my to-do list. Can't say I've ever done that before!

So we have to take the pangs with the highs, because it all evens out in the end. Somehow we make work work for us, and that's all we need.

HNY

A year in (very mini) review: Two new nephews. Arlo's first steps and words. Dream job realised. Brilliant pals and family. Lots of laughs (and a few tears). A looong summer. Wonderful weddings. Being part of our little family of three, the best team going. Balance.

If 2013 was a year of change, then 2014 was a year of settling in - to being a family, to figuring out this working mum thing, to living in the country instead of the city. To sharing so many amazing things (like babies and bumps and engagements and weddings) with friends and family who deserve it all. I'm not sure what I want 2015 to be a year of, I think I'm going to wait and see what it becomes.

Time off

I've just had a day off work. As I work part time, and it ran into a weekend, it actually ended up being more like the best part of a week off work all in all. It was nice. I tried to fill it with all the normal kind of fun things that I always would have done when I lived in London and had a day off - Xmas shopping, seeing friends, catching up on rubbish TV. Arlo and I spent a lot of time at home hunkering down because he had a cold and had teeth popping through and lost all sense of whether it was day or night and thought 2am was an acceptable time to get up and demand cartoons. So we spent some nights awake and some mornings snoozing on the sofa together and it all merged into one a bit.

So last night, the night before I went back to work after a bit of time off, I suppose usually I would've felt a bit glum, have a bit of the 'work blues' and wish for just one more day off to relax. And I suppose this morning as I settled in at my desk with a cuppa and the radio on, I would've felt refreshed after the break. I didn't feel either. I felt knackered. I felt happy to be back at my desk. I felt like today was my day off. 

I don't know if it's 'wrong' to admit this but I love being at work. It's what I've always done. It's for me. It's structured and it's a known entity that I have control over so I always know where I am with it. Being a parent is not really any of those things. I think I'm meant to want to devote every minute of every day and every ounce of my being to my child. But I don't really want to. I want to give my absolute everything to him when I'm with him, but I want sometimes not to be with him. I need the times without him to make the times I am as brilliant as they are. To appreciate every bit of them like I do. He's amazing and has changed me in many good ways and I miss him when he's not right next to me (that includes literally as soon as he falls asleep each night and I miss him so much I want to go into his room and wake him up just so we can play) but I really need the separate times too.  Is that Ok to say?

Guilty pleasures

My sentiments exactly Dave. Although probably a bit less sweary, because I'm not allowed to swear these days. (Picture in the background is from Halloween eve when we danced around the kitchen to Thriller)

I've been dropping Arlo off at the childminders for almost exactly a year now. For quite a while he'd have a little cry as I left, and that felt pretty horrible, even though I know it only lasted seconds and he'd soon be distracted by all kinds of different fun. Then for a while he wouldn't even look back at me because he was so excited to see his pals and try lots of new toys. That was obviously better, but still made me feel a bit glum as I set off for the day.

But on Friday this week something so lovely happened. Arlo understood I had to go, said "bye bye" with a wave, gave me two kisses, and gently closed the door behind me. I like to think he was letting me know he's cool with it, happy to be hanging out with his pals for the day, and knows I'll be coming back to collect him later. It felt good. I never ever feel guilty for being a working mum - it's  what the whole family needs and has been such a good thing for us all for many different reasons - but on that day I definitely had more of a spring in my step than usual when I set off for work. 

I try not to use the word 'guilt' too much in general. I try not to feel it much either. I don't want to make myself feel bad for spending some days at work instead of with Arlo, or for watching some trash tv at the end of a long day, or for having a delicious hot chocolate if I want one. I've never really understood the term 'guilty pleasure', because isn't that just something that's a pleasure? Pleasures are there to be enjoyed, not immediately regretted. I hear some mums talk about 'guilt', used in reference to everything from their working choices to not being able to get their kids to every birthday party they're invited to. We're all prone to it from time to time, but I think we could all be a bit easier on ourselves. We're all doing our best to navigate all this stuff and we should all be proud of that.

So rather than guilt, I'm trying to find pride on a daily basis. After all, I have to be doing something right. So now I try to be a bit less "I wonder if Arlo will be emotionally scarred for life because I'm not there with him every moment of every day?" and a bit more "My child has a clean face today - high five!" or "I finished my work to do list - big up!" or "We all managed to sleep through the whole night - pat on the back time!" (That last one is just an example. But I live in hope.) It's easy to focus on the bad things and beat yourself up about them, but if you look you'll find lots and lots more really good things to be proud of. So high fives to you too.

One year, six months

It's the first of November today, which is significant for a few reasons - it's officially Xmas NEXT MONTH (eee!), I don't have to set eyes on another pumpkin for another 12 months (phew), and it's also exactly one year since I went back to work after having Arlo. What started out as a six-month maternity leave has turned into much more than I ever thought - being a working mum has made me so happy, and that in turn makes for a happy Arlo, and happy Alex too. A year ago today I was a sleep-deprived, seriously forgetful new mum who was a worried she'd forgotten how to do a full day's work, and now... well, the first two haven't changed much but I definitely didn't forget.

But that's not the only mini anniversary happening today - the 1st Nov also marks exactly six months since I started this little blog, with this here Very First Post. Just look at little mini Arlo! The pic above I took today - what a difference six month makes. It's really nice to look back at the pictures from this day back in May, when we were all excited for the start of summer, and think that it might have been forgotten about if I hadn't made a little post about it here. This blog has helped me capture lots of lovely moments over the last six months, and along the way I've had some really nice notes from people who actually read and and say nice things about it, which is a total bonus and always makes me smile, so fanks pals :)

Things I'm thankful for - the London edition

It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon and Arlo is sleeping. As I said in this post, he's not always the best sleeper, so a napping Arlo is definitely something to be thankful for. We're back from a trip to London and trying to get things back to normal, from sleep patterns to washing to food shopping and all those other boring things.

We had such a lovely trip and there's been so many things happening that I want to make sure I don't forget them before I move on to the next thing, so here's Things I'm Thankful for - the London edition:

• Weddings. God I love a good wedding. It's the best, happiest excuse for a party and it was wonderful to be at Alex's bro's wedding this weekend. AND I'm helping my sis plan hers, to much excitement.
• Confetti. How can you not be happy when there's confetti around?!
• Babysitters. Aex and I have had a night of manic dancing, dinner with friends, and a trip to the cinema all in the past week, because lovely people have looked after Arlo for us. 
• Being mega busy at work. Because it makes you truly appreciate the weekend, welcoming it like an old friend with open arms.
• Alex and Arlo's relationship. It's been getting stronger and stronger and it's so lovely to see them hanging out. Arlo doesn't need me all the time any more, and it's part and parcel of him getting bigger. That's both scary and amazing, and it's taking a bit of getting used to.
• TV. The good kind. I've always loved TV, but lately it's been so rubbish (apart from GBBO, obvs) and I've been hankering for something new. But now we've discovered True Detective - it's one of those series that's so good you text each other in the middle of the day just to say "I CAN'T WAIT FOR TONIGHT SO WE CAN WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE" (and yes you write it in caps because it's THAT good).
• Plus a miscellaneous list of other things that I have been thankful for this week: dim sum, wedding cake, Radio 6, disposable cameras, prosecco, picnics, friends, family.

What I've learnt about parenting

A little while ago a friend asked me what I'd learnt about parenting following a whole year being a mum. My immediate answer was "nothing!" but it got me thinking about what I've learnt (if anything!)

When you've just had a baby you do get a bit inundated with advice, ranging from well-meaning suggestions to forceful opinions on the latest theory or 'rules' for parenting. It's a bit overwhelming to be honest - especially when you're in the vulnerable state of having just pushed out a little squidgy baby who needs constant attention and feeding when what you really want to do is have a nice cup of tea and afternoon nap on the sofa.

I actually feel quite strongly about not giving parenting advice, because it can be bloody annoying is such a subjective topic, so I usually only give advice when I'm asked for it, and even then all I really know is what we tried and what worked for us. So with that in mind, here's what I've learnt over the past year:

1. You'll probably never feel like you're on top of it. Well, I never really do anyway, I think that's pretty normal. If you get through most days with both of you still in tact, and can look at it with a smile on your face, then you're doing ace.
2. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up about your parenting choices. Being a stay-at-home mum is hard. Being a working mum is hard. Being a bit of both and trying to do both as best you can when you're a bloody perfectionist is hard (ahem). However you make it work for you is just great for you.
3. The bad bits will pass. This one I definitely know to be true - nothing lasts forever with babies, not the cluster-feeding stage, not the crying-all-night stage, and sadly not the I'll-just-leave-him-gurgling-here-on-the-bed-while-I-nip-to-the-loo-and-know-he'll-be-right-here-when-I-get-back-again stage either.
4. Be flexible. You can't really plan what's going to happen with a baby - the thing is that they're their own little person with their own little mind right from the get go (I don't think I was quite prepared for that) so you may need to take a different approach depending on how/when they want to sleep or feed or play or cry. I try not to worry too much about the future and just focus on getting through the now without any major disasters.
5. Enjoy it. I'm serious - I need to remind myself sometimes. In honesty, I think I missed out on a bit of that 'oh wow I am overwhelmed by the surge of pure love and emotion' stuff in the early days, perhaps a bit blind-sided at the time. Now that I've relaxed a bit I've realised it's basically the most fun you can have - it's like having a best mate by your side, making you laugh and smile all day long. What's not to enjoy?

Things I'm thankful for this week

Sat on the London train on the way to work yesterday I was thinking that it's been a pretty good week - it's not often I get 5 mins to sit and reminisce like that, and it was nice to stop and look back rather than always just being in the moment and focusing on getting things done all the time.

So in the spirit of celebrating the small things, I wanted to make a note of the things I've been thankful for this week - so that I don't forget them too quickly:

1. Finally teaching Arlo how to give kisses, and being woken up on Friday morning with a big smacker. I opened my eyes to see this squiggly little face peering down at me and my heart melted.
2. The ferry ticket man telling me I had a "very nice, very creative signature". My kind of compliment.
3. Listening to one of my all time favourite albums in full with no interruptions.
4. A night out in London - and making the last ferry home by minutes.
5. Celebrating with my friend and team mate Hannah on a VERY well deserved promotion
6. Sweet notes from sweet friends to tell me they're actually reading (and enjoying!) my blog. I frankly feel surprised to hear that anyone reads it at all, so big thanks if you're having a little peek at this right now - don't you look lovely today :)

The view from my commute

        

I took this grainy, smudgey photo from the window of my train to work last week - I had a client meeting near Brighton and had to get the little stopping train that goes from Southampton to Brighton, stopping at all the little towns along the way. It took ages but the view more than made up for it - a lot of the way the tracks run parallel to the coastline, following the shore along, and I couldn't help trying to get a few pics on my phone as we went. This was the best of a bad bunch! 

When I agreed to come back to work after having Arlo (and moving so far away from London), I was sceptical about whether I could make the commute work - granted, I only need to be in London about once a week, but the journey up is a walk-boat-bus-train-cab travel combo that can seem a bit daunting when you set off! It has actually tuned out to be one of my favourite parts of the week, as it usually involves enjoying a coffee while it's still hot (a rarity these days), and listening to music, which is something I've missed so much since becoming a mum. It's easy to forget how brilliant it feels to put on headphones and play whatever you want, as loudly as you like. It's definitely something I took for granted when I lived in London and had two hours of commuting every day.

Two of my favourite songs to listen to really loudly at the moment are this and this. They got me doing a little head-nodding dance in my seat and everything.