Sunday, 12 July 2015

Learning to let it go

So here's the thing about me: I think I'm a bit of a control freak.

Let's try that again: I am a control freak. Anyone reading this that knows me is probably rolling their eyes and going "well obvs" but to be honest, this is a fairly recent revelation for me. I've always liked to be in control, know exactly what's going on, have things in order, be organised and prepared... in work, in life, in everything.

But lately life’s been a bit unruly. I’ve felt a bit out of control and life’s been carrying on anyway in the meantime. It’s quite new and weird and I’ve found it hard. I’ve tried to get back in control but I’ve done it all wrong - at home in particular I think I’ve tried to get back in control by treating daily life like a work project. And by being a bit bossy. Bossy me isn’t the best side of me.

I’ve been feeling a general air of anxiety over the past few weeks and it’s felt so weird - it’s not something I feel very often at all and what makes it harder is that I can’t link it to any one thing. There is no one thing I can ‘fix’ to make it go away and get things back to normal. Life’s happening and I feel out of control and it’s making me anxious.

So what can I do - going 'bossy me' isn’t helping anyone so I might just have to… let go.

Relinquish a bit of that control.

Let go of a few things.

Accept that I’m not wonder woman, and I’m doing my best, and that’s good enough.

Something might go wrong. Oh well. The next thing probably won’t.

Because I thought - what do I say to Arlo a million times a day? Oh well. Never mind. We can build that tower again. We can put the choo choo back on the track. I can pick up the sandwich you dropped, brush it off (6-second rule, right?) and you can have another bite.

And I know he’d say that to me too if he could, (if his mouth wasn't full of his second bite of dusted-off sandwich that is). So I've decided to take a bit of my own advice and let it go. And no that isn't a Frozen reference by the way, luckily we're still a little way off that phase. But I do have that song stuck in my head now *sigh*.


  1. A valuable mantra to keep, I have learnt not to fuss over the silly things and focus on the important and it makes a huge difference to how I deal with 'life' goodluck with your plan Thanks for linking in to PocoLo from guest host Ali @ Mum in a Nutshell

    1. Thank you Ali - even just the process of writing this made me feel instantly better, it's like I've given myself permission to relax a bit :)

  2. I know that feeling too. I think it's the responsibility of motherhood with no off switch. Maybe if we were a bit more crap at it it would be easier?

    Love reading the blog still. Love Ruth xxx

    1. That's a nice way to look at it Ruth - it's just the stress of always wanting to do a good job. Lovely to hear you're reading still :) xx